At Warsaw’s Pride celebration last weekend, parents stood side by side, wearing signs offering free hugs. Young gay and transgender individuals approached them, gratefully accepting the warm embrace.
Agata Misiorna, a mother with a transgender son, donned a rainbow-colored T-shirt bearing the message “you are safe here.” She is well aware of the high rates of rejection, depression, and suicide attempts among Polish transgender youth.
As Misiorna hugged one teenager and young adult after another, tears flowed, shared by both her and the individuals she embraced. She said, “It’s so emotional when I feel they don’t have acceptance from their parents. And they always say that ‘I wish I have the same at home.’”
Misiorna’s personal journey as a mother of a transgender child has propelled her to advocate for understanding and acceptance. Together with other parents, she has joined a group called “We, the Parents,” which strives to protect and support transgender youth. These parents aspire to be role models of unconditional love in a predominantly Catholic society.
Their efforts intensified following derogatory remarks made by the leader of Poland’s conservative ruling party, Jaroslaw Kaczynski, about transgender individuals during and around Warsaw’s annual Pride parade last year.
On a hot day in June, after a tiring yet fulfilling day of offering hugs, Misiorna returned to her hotel. She turned on the TV only to hear Kaczynski mocking transgender people. As Poland’s influential politician, he insinuated “that each of us can at some point say that until half past five I was a man, and now I am a woman.” His remarks were part of a speech advocating for a return to moral values in politics, and his audience responded with laughter and applause.
Concerned about her son, Misiorna promptly turned off the TV, shielding him from such derogatory remarks. She later described her emotions as a mix of “fear, horror, and disbelief.”
Misiorna and other parents feared that Kaczynski’s comments were a test to gauge the viability of targeting transgender rights as part of his party’s campaign for the upcoming elections. They remembered how conservative leaders and the influential Catholic Church had previously depicted the LGBTQ+ rights movement as a threat to the nation during past political campaigns.
Misiorna expressed that “Kaczynski’s words pushed us”. “We were afraid they would target our kids and we wanted to show that there is nothing to make jokes about.”
To amplify their message, they wrote an open letter and created podcasts and videos featuring their children’s coming-out stories, specifically addressing the anti-LGBTQ+ comments made by the president, Kaczynski, and an archbishop. Parents from various parts of the country regularly gather online and in person, finding solace in shared experiences and supporting one another through difficult times, such as news of transgender youth suicides.
While same-sex unions or marriages lack legal recognition in Poland, the society as a whole has shown increased openness towards LGBTQ+ rights, evident in the growing number and scale of Pride events. The recent Warsaw parade, dedicated to transgender rights, witnessed the participation of thousands and was inaugurated by the mayors of Warsaw and Paris. In contrast, a subsequent March for Life and Family, which aimed to counter the Pride and other liberal movements, attracted a considerably smaller crowd.
However, families of transgender youth are alarmed by the political backlash against transgender people witnessed in the United States and other countries. In Poland, an ultra-conservative lobby group has called for prison sentences for parents and doctors involved in the medical gender transition of minors.
There is concern that Poland, which has faced criticism from the European Union and the United States for its record on media freedom and LGBTQ+ rights, may follow the path of Russia and Hungary in restricting these rights.
In Poland, transgender individuals face a unique obstacle when seeking to change their gender marker on official documents. They are required to take legal action against their parents, claiming that their assigned gender at birth was incorrect.
Kinga Tarkiewicz, a member of the “We, the Parents” group, had a positive experience with a cooperative judge when her daughter sought to change her gender marker. The matter was resolved in a single court session lasting 20 minutes. However, others have faced more challenges.
Marek Urbaniak, a tax consultant residing in Warsaw, endured a nearly four-year wait and seven court hearings due to his father’s attempts to hinder the process. His father presented additional witnesses and submitted photographs of Urbaniak before his transition in an effort to prevent the gender marker change. Despite already undergoing medical transition and clearly identifying as a man, the legal proceedings were prolonged.
The process of changing the gender marker also entails financial expenses and emotional strain resulting from the legal conflict with parents.
Alex Bielecki, aged 28, received unwavering support from his parents during his transition. However, the court-appointed medical experts posed intrusive and humiliating questions during the assessment, some of which he resisted. The resulting report was sent to Bielecki’s parents.
” I said no, this is disgusting,” Bielecki expressed. “I understand you should go to a psychologist for an opinion but this is too much.”
For Florian, Misiorna’s 20-year-old son, the court process has been ongoing for several months with no resolution in sight. The judge refuses to use male pronouns for Florian, and a state prosecutor has been present during the proceedings. Misiorna cannot comprehend why prosecutors are involved or why her family must face such obstacles, especially considering Florian’s past struggle with depression and subsequent transformation into his authentic self. ” “He was like a butterfly and began to live then,” she shared.
While awaiting the legal recognition of their gender markers and names, individuals often experience tense situations when presenting identification documents while traveling, visiting a doctor, or conducting banking transactions. They frequently find themselves in the position of having to explain to strangers, sometimes in the presence of others, why their appearance differs from the photo on their documents.
In addition to the humiliation they endure, they are sometimes accused of fraud for using documents that do not match their physical appearance. Moreover, they fear for their safety.
Members of the “We, the Parents” group often receive requests from transgender youth seeking recommendations for priests or understanding mothers who can help them communicate with their own parents to foster acceptance and understanding.
” Almost every week I am contacted by a child asking me if I can speak with their parents,” Tarkiewicz revealed. “I have thousands of this kind of conversation. When I am educating them, when I tell them there is nothing wrong, that this is still your child. The only thing changing now is that you must love them much more than you did until now.”
